The Nero Chronicles: Of Coloring Cartier

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Of Coloring Cartier

Fair readers, ever been at a loss as to how to distract (ie, muzzle) your child into submission while you try on egregiously priced iconic jewels? Nope, Nero hadn't really contemplated this question either until a friend, more enlightened on the topic, unveiled the secret to her shopping success -- a Cartier Activity Book, swiftly doled out by her personal Sales Assistant. Upon closer inspection, it really is an ingenious piece of instructional editorial. Geared to educate the young and impressionable, it includes a brief history behind some of Cartier's most coveted pieces, as well as a little time-telling and a smattering of French instruction. Pretty smart if you ask me. After all, the sure way to a mother's wallet is through the placidly distracted smile that only sedation of this high-end nature can induce upon her otherwise wild child. Here again, trust the French to civilize us while conning us into buying branded jewelry, naturellement.

Judging from the festive air of this cover, Nero guesses this was a holiday issue. Behold the perfect ploy to get mommy iced just in time for New Years.

Here, the exquisite art of telling time is penciled in on a Pasha.

Nothing like exposing them to the finer things young, non?

Brushing up on the kiddos' command of francais has never looked so pedigreed.
Take that Kumon.

Let's play spot the Love bracelet. Anyone fishing for a Tank?

Here, a few of the iconic Cartier symbols are explicated.

That's right folks, you guessed it -- voila the Tank.

Which seen from the sky inspired a watch??
The pilot was obviously experiencing a loss of cabin pressure.

Here included, an exotic bio of Santos-Dumont -- check out how it waxes imperialist-colonial and even weaves in some aeronautical info (the French eat this up for breakfast!)

Ah, at last, Le Panthere -- classic. "I live in Africa and Asia. I like to eat other animals." That sounds quite a bit like a certain type of character Nero's encountered mostly in books by Dickens. Beware the monkey-chasers.

It's all good fun and certainly a conversation piece-cum-object of curiosity for the yummy-mummies who lunch. That said, it's also a rather odd article, like something from another time. It reads a bit like a relic, a fantasy, a big-headed baby's bauble.

Labels: All images by blogger

3 comments:

Raina Cox said...: This is my "learn something new" of the day.; April 15, 2012 at 3:51 PM
Alcira Molina-Ali said...: Raina, it's pretty hilarious and clearly an effective tool.
My gf is bangle-jangling all over town!
Alcira; April 15, 2012 at 3:53 PM
Lila Moonlight said...: I need this book too : ); April 28, 2012 at 8:04 AM